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Super Slots Online gambling is in and real-life casinos are out. Why gamble in a stuffy-ass, smoky-ass casino filled with all kinds of non-desirables when you could kick back at home with an entire bottle of scotch and go to town on some chance games? I hate it when random people bump into me when I’m gambling. Then, there are the annoying folks who think I want their breath in my ear when they wish me luck on my next craps roll. Fuck that noise. I want to gamble comfortably in my home, where I may or may not be wearing an automated fleshlight. Some people like getting some suction on their cock while they piss money away. Don’t judge me. The thrill of gambling gets my creative juices flowing. By creative juices, I, of course, mean cum.

Sports Betting has been a popular pastime ever since the invention of sports. The cavemen bet shiny pebbles their dudes would win at rock-chucking, and I used to gamble my lunch money on the outcome of afterschool dodgeball games. These days, thanks to the magic of the Internet, it’s easier than ever to risk some money for a chance at big-time rewards. I know I usually spend my time here convincing you to check out all my favorite masturbatory hangouts, but even ThePornDude likes to keep some extra vices off to the side.

My Bookie lets me place bets on the Internet, but does yours? The Internet has made gambling so fucking easy that it’s rare these days for anybody to go meeting some sketchy bookie dude in a dimly lit diner, risking their kneecaps for a piece of the pie. In its place, you can just place your bets from the comfort of your own home and use the same site to play casino games while you wait for your team to deliver the ball to the right side of the playing area. Welcome to the future, motherfuckers!

Ducky Luck! Most of you cucks come here to get your rocks off by jerking off to slutty bimbos getting railed. But some of you need a different kind of stimulation. No, you degenerates(perverts); I’m not talking about ballbusting. Though, it’s still about getting fucked. It’s a thrill ride that will either end up with you winning massive stacks of dosh or, more likely, you having to explain to your bitch of a wife where the kid’s college fund went. That’s right; we’re talking about gambling. With so many casinos closed down in 2024, you poor addicts need to get your fix somewhere. And why not online gambling? It’s got all of the same risks and rewards as going out to a big-bucks casino, only you probably won’t get coughed on by some geriatric at the slots.

Liberty Slots Casino sound a hell of a lot more noble than your average online casino. This isn’t your typical house of gambling; no, these brave warriors are standing up for your right to live without the tyranny imposed by oppressive forces determined to ruin your fun. Fuck the teetotalers, the prudes and the Junior Anti-Sex League! We’re grownups around here, and we demand the liberty to bang hookers, curse like sailors while getting wasted, and yeah, to gamble while sitting on the toilet!

Sloto Cash has been trusted online since 2007, at least if you’re willing to believe the catchphrase beneath the logo. I’m kind of a hands-on motherfucker, though, and you’ll know that if you’ve ever read my pornography reviews. This joint requires a different type of repetitive hand motion than I’m usually doing, but it’s still a vice, which means I’m pretty fucking good at it. Finish jerking off, pack the bong, unwrap some candy and keep on biting those nails—it’s time to add gambling to the list of bad habits you’ll keep today.

BC Game Listen up, cryptocucks, I’ve got a treat for you guys this time around. If you don’t know what the fuck a Bitcoin even is or how sites like Coinbase work, then this one might not be for you. Some people say that investing in any cryptocurrency is a gamble. Hell, the folks over there trying to rocket Dogecoin to over $1 know that shit all too well. People will invest millions in meme currencies, but Bitcoin is the big daddy of crypto. It’s the most respected and most used version of this stuff out there. Just one of the damn coins is worth tens of thousands. But what if investing in a fluctuating currency isn’t enough of a risk to get your heart beating?

Bet US calls themselves America’s Favorite Sportsbook, a claim supported by their traffic stats. A whopping eighteen-thousand visitors are dropping by every day to bet on their favorite teams or drop virtual tokens loaded with real money into Internet slot machines. That’s way more than I had beating on my door when I started running an unlicensed catfighting ring in my basement, and these guys are a fully licensed sportsbook. There may be fewer stray boobies bouncing around their operation, but it’s all legit and you don’t even have to pick your lazy ass up off the couch.

Bet Online! Do you wish that you could still visit a physical casino and get your gamble on? Well, I hate to break it to you, mother fucker. Those places are either dead, dying, or only for old farts that smell like yesterday’s takeout. The future of casinos is the Internet, just like everything else. Don’t scoff at me, you dense mother fucker! Get your fucking ass over to BetOnline and see what the future looks like! This is a place that has all of your favorite traditional casino games. I will get to those in a moment. But it also has other avenues that your local casino does not have.