ALS Scan lays the hype on thick out on their tour page, calling themselves “The Ultimate in Modern Entertainment” and bragging about their roster of real girls next door. Their claim of ultimate modernity sticks out at me, as they’re an older site with an arguably old-school format. Whereas many big-budget new paysites immediately start hitting you with auto-playing montages of hardcore threesome crotch shots and buckets of sperm blasting all over the place, ALS Scan shows naked women posing in solo shoots or pairs. There’s an occasional dildo to be seen, but nobody’s actually having sex, at least not out front; this one’s more focused on the beauty of the nude female form than squishy, juicy tight penetration.
A video shot In The Crack is arguably a whole lot better than one shot from outside of that enticing fleshy crevasse. It isn’t fucking rocket science: close-up shots of damn near anything just look better than ones taken from afar. That’s why humanity has invested so much time, energy, and money building advanced telescopes to get better looks at all those celestial bodies floating out there in space instead of staring into the sky with our bare eyes. It’s why your sister takes selfies with the camera held close to her face instead of across the room, and it’s why the folks behind this next website will stick a camera right up in a broad’s business after she takes off her clothes. A good photographer focuses on the good stuff.
X-Art! I’m not what someone would consider an X Art fag. Hell, the only time I ever tried going to the museum, I ended up being dragged out by the police after rubbing one out to some classical nudes. What can I say? Paintings of fruit bowls and photographs of architecture bore the hell out of me, but naked ladies always seem to catch my attention. That’s why I was pretty happy to find out X-Art wasn’t your typical fine arts website.
X-Art.com has been around for a while now; the domain was registered way back in 2004 and the site launched several years later. The website is operated by some babe named Colette, a.k.a. colettexart, a.k.a. The Unicorn Princess. According to her profile on the site, she has nearly 140,000 followers. That jives pretty well with the site’s traffic numbers. Last month, they got 1.7 million visits.
Zishy has one of those nonsense brand names that feel right at home on an internet full of gibberish like Hulu, Skype, Etsy, Brazzers, and Venmo. I bet you immediately knew what each of those other sites sells the moment you read their names, though, right? It’s funny how goddamn baby talk can take on meaning if you repeat it enough. Well, Zishy aims to add to the online lexicon by defining the term at the very top of the screen: “photos that leave something to the imagination.”
Superbe Models sound fancy as hell, but maybe it’s just that extra E tacked onto the Superb. I’ll be honest, when I saw the site’s name and all the classy naked broads plastered all over the front page, I was sure this was going to be some kind of arty, highbrow art porn thing from France. It turns out I was only partly right; these refined ladies and gentlemen are peddling a style of erotica a bit more sophisticated than the average college bukkake scene, but they’re based out of Los Angeles, according to their Twitter account. They do seem to shoot around the world, though, and with a lot of Euro chicks.
Ah, Stasy Q founded by Said Energizer! Gentlemen, I greet you from the cockpit of my new BMW, which I’ve had outfitted with a stunning Gucci interior. I’m sipping a hundred-year-old Cognac and puffing on a Cohiba while a high-class escort, not a prostitute, sucks my balls dry. Just kidding. I’m actually jerking off at the library again, but I’ve got StasyQ.com pulled up so I feel like a really fancy motherfucker.
The front page of the sites says they offer “the new generation of erotic art”. That could mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. About a million perverts a month are checking out what they’re selling, though, which is enough to catch the interest of a Porn Dude like me. It must be a niche site with numbers like that, but one that’s stuck it out since 2014, which ain’t always easy.
Welcome to First Time Videos Girls aka FTV Girls! Has it ever occurred to you just how many dicks you have inadvertently fapped to in your life? Think about it. Nearly every porno out there features a chick getting dicked down by some muscular, well-endowed stud. In fact, the guy is actually sort of the main event in a lot of these videos. Think of series like Teens Love Big Dicks or videos like “Monster cock ravages tiny teen pussy.” At least some part of you is clicking on these videos because of the dick itself. Doesn’t that seem just a little bit gay to you?
Fem Joy! I’m not sure if you know this about your old friend The Porn Dude, but I’m something of an art connoisseur. When I’m not masturbating furiously to free creampie tubes and premium lesbian gangbangs, I like to appreciate the creative expression of human skill and imagination, particularly within the visual media. I like artistic nude photography of beautiful women, fine erotica featuring gorgeous sluts, and skillfully crafted films depicting the perfect female form in various states of undress. If you’re into that highbrow shit, too, FemJoy might be your type of place.
Watch 4 Beauty, aka W4B! What’s the difference between erotica and porn? Wikipedia says porno is all about the graphic depiction of sexually explicit themes, while erotica seeks to tell a story using those themes in a more plausible depiction of human sexuality. Maybe I’m just a lowbrow motherfucker, but I guess I don’t care what you call it. I’m beating off to Watch4Beauty this morning, and I’m more worried about where to spill my seed than how to classify their masturbation movies and lesbian scenes.
Teeny Taboo! I bet some of the hentai nerds out there heard the name Teeny Taboo and envisioned supernatural size distortions, but the joint is actually hawking something that’ll appeal much, much more to the average pervert out there. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist nor an English major to break down the label: the women are on the smaller side, and they’re partaking in the kind of sexy stepfamily roleplay scenarios that have been popular since the days of Oedipus. There are a ton of taboos out there, but in this business, we tend to focus on that one.